15.12.15

You never fail to call me on my birthday year after year. But when it’s your birthday. Someone actually has to remind me before I even call you. 

Your passing has been nothing but a lesson and a reminder to not take people for granted. Always put in some effort to show people you love that you actually care about them. Appreciate, be thankful, spend some quality time with them, because we’ll never know when shits coming our way. 

Even till today, I’m regretful that I did not make an effort to call you more often or visit you from time to time. Thinking back now, once in 6-7 years is just ridiculous. I could have been a better Son. The last time I saw you was clearly not what I had in mind, but I Guess it’s a painful memory to live with. 

Thanks dad, for doing all that you could in your limited capacity. I’m becoming who you always wanted me to become. And I hope I strive at it. If you could see me now.

Happy Birthday Day! 

15.12.15

NICE. 

People say being that ‘being nice’ is a bad thing. No. It’s not bad, and never has been. It’s actually the way society approaches nice people, that’s bad. Moreoever, the way these nice people deal with this vicious society, exacerbates the problem. But never has the root cause been being too nice itself. So what is society doing to nice people, and what can nice people do to protect themselves?
People perceive you as weak. 

The general feeling in society is that if someone is too nice, that’s a sign of weakness. A sign of desperation, if you may. While it is true, that many hurt people hide behind a facade of niceness, that’s not the norm. Being nice is a character trait, a rare one at that, where more and more friendships are becoming less selfless and more selfish. 
How to fix this? The ‘stop being too nice’ advice doesn’t work. We’re nice because we want to be nice. We can’t stop. Easier written than done. For me to be able to develop the skill to emotionally detach myself the moment my own feelings are at risk will takes years of experience and hurt feelings. But if you’re getting hurt anyway, then how about you use those wounds to build yourself a set of armor? You’ll eventually find someone who appreciates you and will work to keep you. Which brings us to the second point.
Being taken for granted.

There are plenty of great examples here of how people want what they can’t get, which is why, once they ‘get you’, (Since nice people don’t beat around the bush and play ‘hard to get’, which in itself is ‘not nice’.); they’ll move around to the next thing they can’t get.
However, the answers I’ve seen somehow places the blame on the ‘too nice’ person. As if it’s HIS/HER fault that the other person is treating friends as a commodity, not people. Friends aren’t the newest iPhone. If you’re being treated like an iPhone, jump ship. Sometimes, I immediately build walls when I see people treating their existing friends like an iPhone, when they decide they want to try out the newer version, being me. If that’s how they treat their existing friends, I shouldn’t expect to be treated differently.
So to avoid being taken for granted, /DON’T/ play hard to get. Not only is that mean, but it also has an equal chance of ruining a potential friendship. Just observe your new friend. Is he loyal to his old friends? Does he treat them like an outdated operating system when a new friend comes around? 
The answer to these questions will let you know what to expect from him, and raise warning flags as to not get emotionally attached.
Thinking about others is what we nice people do, but think about yourself first. As much as we like to think of ourselves as altruistic, no one is truly and fully altruistic. In return for our niceness, we want people to be nice to us too. If you want to approach the world with a ‘too nice’ mentality, make sure you go there with a full set of armor. No one will have mercy on an unprotected sheep, which is the sad state of our society today. So put your trusting side away and choose your friends wisely. 
Be nice to all people, but don’t trust them. Most of the time, niceness and trust go hand in hand, which is wrong. You need to protect your trust with vicious jealousy, and withdraw it from a friend at the slightest injury. Don’t be willy nilly with your trust. That is how you avoid getting hurt as a nice person. What hurts the most is when a ‘friend’ breaks your trust. So only hand it to people who have shown themselves reliable in the small gestures a friendship is built around, over an extended period of time.
Actually expect things from your friend. One recurrent thing that I’ve seen is that nice people don’t expect their friends to return invitations, hang out, or dedicate time for them. These are /basic/ components of friendship, not inconveniences. If you notice your friend can’t make time for you, then he’s not your friend, and/or just taking you for granted. Being nicer, or waiting won’t change anything. 
Your greatest weapon against these type of people is yourself. The fact that they take you for granted doesn’t mean they don’t enjoy your presence. If you take that away from them when they abuse it, not only will you teach them a lesson, but you’ll save yourself the trouble. However, when you choose to hide yourself from a person, and stop sacrificing yourself to him, that decision is irreversible. Don’t give in to your nice side in this case, and choose to go back; no matter the circumstances; because that’ll make you look weaker and actually make things worse. 
Friends and acquaintances alike will want to be around you. Being nice is a gem in society, and people strive to be around them. However, our society has shown itself to be unappreciative of nice things, so one second they’ll want to be around you, another… just read the disadvantages section again. (Generally speaking.)
You’ll feel good. Let’s be honest. We’re nice for ourselves. It makes us feel good, and ultimately, that’s what matters.
You’ll be a go-to person in time of need. However, make sure that whoever comes to you isn’t just there for your assistance before throwing you away like a dirty towel. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t help them, it just means you shouldn’t expect them to be thankful enough to grow a friendship with you.

NICE. 

Hidden

Genuine and transparent people are so hard to come by these days. When all you seek, is for things to be simple and clear as water, you see a drop of ink in it.

I think people are starting to forget the true value of friendship and what it really means to stay honest, truthful and sincere.
I mean if you want to be private about something, then at the very least be smart about it. I go all out because I care, but don’t abuse or take advantage of it, because when I say I’m done with you. I am done for good.
“We have no secrets from each other, though sometimes I wish some things were more hidden. What’s more transparent than invisible?”

Hidden

SUDDENLY.

I lived my life without a father for almost 12 over years. I mean, he was around, but I was never close to him or even seen him. Probably in that 12 years, I’ve seen him thrice? 1 – Sister’s Wedding (2006), 2 – when I visited him in Poly Y1 (2011), 3 – His wake (2013). But over that 12 years, I never felt the need for him to be around me. I never actually missed him or had the urge to talk to him.

But today, I miss him. All of a sudden, I felt like I need to and want to talk to him. There’s things I want to tell him. I miss his cooking which honestly is way better than my mum’s. But on a serious note. I miss having a dad. I see my friends hanging out with their dad. Heading out for dinner and all. Coming home and having someone they can tell their stories to. They can talk about work and life. I want that too. But…

It’s funny how you actually want something you can’t have right? Interestingly enough he was there all these while and I neglected him. And now I need him. How typical of me?! I think I took, too long of a time to realise that he is different and it’s time I forgive him and visit him. And I guess I had my priorities wrong. It was always my family here, friends, school, work, blah blah blah and then him.

So if you’re reading this, please, do not, ever, take the people in your life for granted and neglect them. We always do that; when we feel empty, we turn to someone, and when we feel all better, we often forget about them, or they no longer become our priority. Cause believe me, it’s not easy feeling regretful about the things you didn’t do or say when it’s all a little too late.

SUDDENLY.

MORE THAN JUST A JOB. 

It’s really frustrating to see people whine and complain about officers of the force of home team agency. You have no idea what we deal with. Keyboard warriors are what you simply are. 

You get pissed when someone stops you and summons you for speeding. But the officer just attended a case of fatal accident where the driver was speeding. 

You say that we over use our powers or are being too violent based on the uploaded video you saw. But the officer probably just attended a case of family violence when the father stabbed the wife. And you have no idea what is actually happening on the ground or the context of it. 

You call in sick just because you have “flu, slight headache, or fever”. But the officer wakes up and goes to work hurt and sore from the struggle he had last night, with barely any sleep, so you can sleep peacefully.  

You have your lunch in the mall for a good one hour without having to worry about work. But the officer, leaves his food in station/cancels the order and goes to attend messages. Best part, he comes back 2 hours later and either eats that food he bought, or nothing at all sometimes. 

You work for 8 hours and you have so much to whine about. But the officer works for more than 14 hours and don’t even get paid extra for after hours. 

You make sure have your portable charge and phone with you before leaving your home. But the officer prays he comes home safe to his loved ones.

You bitch about your partner or colleague at work. But the officer makes sure he covers his partners and colleagues irregardless of whether he likes him or not.

You walk around looking at pretty things and people. But the officer walks around looking out for crime in progress. 

You wear short and t-shirt and complain about how hot it is. But the officer wear his uniform accompanied with his utility belt which by the way is not light. And it gets worst when he has to struggle with accuse or give a chase. 

You wake up and take your time to get ready for work. But the officer works around the clock, with irregular sleeping hours and sometimes go back to work on his off days. 

You are angry because you ended 5 minutes later than you should have. But the officer ends his shift 2 plus hours after the supposed time and there’s no end in sight.

You call your friends to makes plans. But the officer can’t make any on his off days because he might get called back.

You criticise the police force and say they are never good enough at how they do or what they do. But the officer blast the siren, while the person in front of him refuses to move or give way, because he thinks that he has the right of way, or probably because he’s on the phone. 

You laugh at fallen officers about how stupid they are. But the officer runs into every situation when everyone else is running away from it in order to make sure no one gets hurt or loses their life doing it. 

You sit there any type, bitch, whine and complain about how bad this force is and how the government is spending unnecessarily on the force. And yet, as soon as you need help, he is there. 

The officers get scrutinise for almost everything we do, be it good or bad, but we take it in a positive light because we provide an extraordinary service. One that no other sectors provide. They don’t need you to be thankful for everything we do, but at the very least they hope that you don’t scrutinise us for every single little thing we do. You have no idea what home team officers deal with at work. You see what you choose to see or talk about, but there’s also things that you are absolutely unaware of. What we do here, is MORE THAN JUST A JOB. 

MORE THAN JUST A JOB. 

Blame

Sabah incident has taken a toll on many, especially those who were directly involved in it. The school management, teachers, students and parents. But what troubles me most is the way members of public response to this incident. People were angry, not because this happened, or because the tourists did something so foolish but rather because the school management planned and the ministry approved such a trip. I mean who would know something like this was about to happen and send a group of teachers and young students away? People are so affected because these kids lost their lives and the parents have to beat through the pain and agony and simply blame it on the teachers who planned it and the ministry that approved it. Did it ever occur to them that these teachers have parents too? And maybe for some, they have a family too. A wife lost her husband, a son lost his dad. They have met more people in their lives then these kids ever saw or met. We are so overwhelmed by what affects us we fail to realise that sometimes it’s not all that simple. These teacher went all out to protect their kids. And what do parents these days do? Complain and blame them for the most ridiculous reason. When kids go back home and complain then don’t even bother listening to the teachers share of story. But default the teachers take the blame. These teachers were safe. But no. That wasn’t good enough for them, they felt the need to go back up and get the other kids down. Knowing that they could possibly lose their lives, they still went on. This is what I call selfless act. They didn’t do it because they were teachers they did it because they felt the need to. Not because they had to answer to the parents but they loved their kids and it meant something to them. Many were disturbed by the kids’ passing but how many actually cared about the teachers? Why is it because we are compassionate when it comes to kids? I feel like this occurrence is an eye opener for many reasons. Just because something like this happens, you want to deprive the rest of the kids and the education system from having such future trips. I sure as hell wouldn’t want my kids to be in such a system. What makes our education system good is the way we run our programmes and they way the teachers educate their students. Yes, sometimes their approach might not be the best. But no teacher graduates from NIE saying. I’m going to be horrible teacher and teach nonsense to the kids. Honestly I’m affected more by the teachers passing rather than the kids, because the teachers had a lot more to lose. 

Blame

TEMPORARY. 

“Things never go your way, not even for the slightest bit. Sometimes you wish for the smallest thing to happen and even that seems impossible at times. Then the feeling you have when you know some things are never going to last is just awful. 


No one likes to be replaced and no one likes being a temporary replacement. But things are such. We are all humans and it’s in our nature to be as such. When we lose our favourite pen, we usually try to find another to replace it, but once we find it back, we would prefer using it again because we are comfortable with it. And we apply the same principle everywhere. I guess some people are ok with filling the gap. Maybe because the live in the moment, or perhaps because then not look far ahead. But what happens when you’ve filled the gap up real nice, and the person clears it all out and uses someone else to fill it up again. Would you be ok with it? I guess that’s not something I would want to think about for now. 

All we can do is to wish and hope that things will be the same or only get better. But how often does that happen?”
TEMPORARY.